A few weeks ago, we posted some daily intentions for fertility. Lately, I have taken to writing down my intentions for the day on a simple index card. Whether it relates to my work, my family, my spirituality, or my health, it enables me to distill my focus in one area that stays with me throughout the day. I put my intention on one side of the index card, and then on the other I put my “magic six” for the day – or essentially my to-do list that allows me to fulfill on my intention.

Dr. Rob Kiltz of CNY Fertility, also posts his intentions in a daily video blog, and it is so inspirational. We are proud to have a developing relationship with him and four of his offices in Upstate New York (more on that to come!)

So, we asked Melanie to create this downloadable PDF with the idea that you can clip them into little pieces and take them with you…little reminders and ways to center yourself again.

We hope you like it – and again, please let us know what other intentions that you would add here!

Having a list of intentions – or some people like to call affirmations – can be life changing. Here are mine. I would love to hear yours.

We would LOVE for this to be a “wiki” list of intentions. Please add your own in the comments section.

This post dedicated to my closest friends who are going through the process of adoption that I admire and love so greatly.

There was a bag packed full of brand new baby boy clothes and tiny diapers. A breast pump. An infant car seat.

Our closest friends were within a few days of adoption. The birth mother had selected them and plans were set. A c-section was scheduled and they flew down to be there for the birth. Given the strength of the relationship that had built over the previous months, the birth mother asked my friend to be part of the birthing process. She was. She was the first to hold the baby. There were tears of happiness given the beauty and health of this baby boy. When they couldn’t stay at the hospital any longer, they went to buy presents for the birth mom and her family.

And then…the birth mother decided to keep the baby.

The rational way to look at this of course is the fact that the birth mom has made a decision that she feels comfortable with. That she has decided to raise this child.

But plans were made. The baby was named. There was to be a baptism with two of his cousins. My friend was even going to breast feed.

I am in awe of the strength, love and hope of my friends who are going through this. And this is the second time this has happened to them.  Yes, it was one of the most painful things they have ever experienced.  Period.  But they are not bitter.  They are not vengeful. Nope. They simply remain hopeful. Ready to start the process all over again.

I personally don’t know if I could do this. To go through that again. To put yourself out there again. But I know they will. They will persevere and continue, touching countless lives in a positive way as they do. I guarantee that this birth mom will never forget this couple who demonstrated the highest qualities of virtue, generosity and love.

Life unfolds in mysterious ways.  Events like this remind me to surrender and remember that everything happens in its own time.

And for the next time there will be a bag packed of baby clothes with tiny diapers. A breast pump. An infant car seat.  And boundless love.

I remember getting very upset when folks would try to give me advice while I was trying to conceive.  One person even told me after I had miscarried that “I was lucky to have one healthy child…you should leave it at that.”  While you are going through the very difficult and painful process of trying to conceive, these suggestions, advice, questions can strike you the wrong way.  I know it full well.

However, looking back, each and every person that offered me their advice was really only trying to help.  As women, I believe we all possess a strong urge to want to help our friends and family members, so we reach out and tell them what is on our mind in an effort to pass along information, ideas or suggestions.

And we have a decision to make with respect to our reaction to these suggestions.

As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Replace the word “inferior” with any word and the meaning still stands.  Consent is the operative word.  By allowing others to hurt us with their suggestions, we are giving them our consent to do so.  Why?  The only person that becomes hurt from the situation is you.

Make the decision to see the situation from a new perspective.  You might want to feel gratitude to them for taking the time to talk with you.  You might secretly forgive them for their ignorance of the situation and speaking like they know the ins and outs of what you are going through.  You might want to explain to them why their suggestions are not appropriate given your feelings or your situation and suggest ways for better communication going forward.

The result?  Less anxiety and greater empowerment. Remember that you are always in control.

I fundamentally believe we can all benefit from letting go of anger, whether repressed from childhood, or something we are dealing with now. Anger can be like walking through life with an anchor on your back, slowing you down and tiring you out, with the only person that is being affected is you.

I am not much of a person who harbors resentment or gets angry much if at all – so much so that I think I’ve been taken advantage of because of it. Most likely, I probably do get very angry, but I quickly repress it…in fear of confrontation or retribution. This is probably even worse for my mental health than the alternative.

So I did a little experiment. I turned my attention towards someone in my life that had hurt me. Never was I one to harbor much resentment against this person – much to the amazement of others – mainly because I was only a causality in the war she was raging against herself.

I decided to reanalyze the situation and how it might be impacting me now.

I took out a notebook and wrote down five questions:
1. I am angry that…
2. You hurt me when…
3. I felt scared when…
4. I am sorry that…
5. I forgive you because…

And for each question I wrote a few paragraphs. Being completely truthful and honest with myself (and her) I processed through 25 years of a difficult relationship. This was only a few days ago now. I also have read it aloud again to myself a few times. Processing…letting my mind hover over the emotions. It’s a process of letting go – forgiving those that have harmed you. Letting go of that weight pulling you down.

What did I find out? That yes, there was some resentment. There was also fear and shame and I could see ways in which it was impacting my attitude towards certain things in my life right now. Not worth it. I let go and told her that I forgave her. Did I feel some of the weight lifting? Yes. I even felt as if some of the current problems in my life seemed less important and that my capacity for changing my thoughts had increased. It was a very moving and powerful experience for me.

Is there someone in your life that upsets you? That can be like a lightening rod in your life? That maybe you blame certain things on? You might want to try this exercise. The beneficiary is not the person being forgiven, it’s the person forgiving.  It’s you.

This week will mark the first time that Circle + Bloom as a company is officially part of Resolve’s NIAW movement. We are so proud to be part of the Infertility community, seeking to bring awareness, empowerment and mind-body knowledge to you and the 80 million couples around the world struggling with this very physical and emotional challenge.

Resolve has provided a great list: Take Charge: 7 Things You Can Do in 7 Days. I’m especially intrigued with Melissa Ford’s wonderful contribution and idea regarding Project IF in a collaboration with Resolve. The concept is to get you to write about your biggest “what if” in regards to infertility. As Melissa states, “In other words, take out one of the “what ifs” that keep knocking around inside your heart, keeping you awake at night, and allow the larger community to commiserate, empathize and help you carry your burden by reading your words.” Here is the impressive list that as the time of this post had over 360 comments each containing a powerful and insightful “what if” statement. Here is a sampling:

What IF the hole in my heart never goes away?

What IF I never get past the bitterness and jealousy that have resulted from the years of infertility?

What IF I had wanted a family before I was 35, would I have gotten pregnant?

I invite you to join Melissa Ford’s and Resolve’s collaboration and write about your What IFs…for yourself and for others going through what you are as well.

Also, in honor of NIAW, a reminder that we are currently running a contest to giveaway two subscriptions to Conceive Magazine.

Like Leo from Zen Habits, my life has undergone a complete shift by making a conscious decision to be more positive in life.

It has taken me on a new path, a new journey, and has empowered me to live my dreams, and I couldn’t have started Circle+Bloom without this new mindset.

When you are in the throws of trying to get pregnant, this is so very hard to do. But making it an intention in your life…right now…can make an enormous difference.

Zen Habits posted this little gift – a 300 word guide to becoming more positive:

Realize it’s possible, instead of telling yourself why you can’t.
Become aware of your self-talk.
Squash negative thoughts like a bug.
Replace them with positive thoughts.
Love what you have already.
Be grateful for your life, your gifts, and other people.
Every day.
Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
But be inspired by them.
Accept criticism with grace.
But ignore the naysayers.
See bad things as a blessing in disguise.
See failure as a stepping stone to success.
Surround yourself by those who are positive.
Complain less, smile more.
Imagine that you’re already positive.
Then become that person in your next act.

I thought I would share this wonderful post from Zen Habits, specifically a guest post written by Jai Kai, Success Coach, Yoga Instructor and Blogger for SharingSuccess.tv. He enjoys teaching people the art of perusing passion.

As we move through our daily routines we are often faced with obstacles and challenges which can lead to some degree of stress and anxiety. So to become more relaxed and free of tensions it is important to break away from your ordinary routine and find ways to de-stress. This process can be very simple or more in depth, but why not try something new and different? Here are 8, not your everyday ordinary, ways to de-stress and release tensions.

1. Massage your ears. The ear massage is a fantastic way to release endorphins in your brain and make you feel good. The beauty is that it only takes a few minutes. Start by gently rubbing your earlobes with your thumb and index finger. Then squeeze the outer edges of your ears all the way to the top. These parts of your ears have tiny reflex points that can relax specific areas of your body. Finish by using your index fingers and middle fingers to massage behind the ears on the bony part of your skull.

2. Finger paint. If you thought that getting messy and painting with your fingers was strictly for kids, think again. Finger painting allows you to have fun, be artistic and play in a child like way. It gives you permission to express your creativity and spontaneity without expectations. So why not be the creator of some new abstract art pieces. Visit a nearby children’s store and pick up a set of finger paints – ages 10 and up.

3. Strip down your living room. Take note and see how much stuff you have laying around your house, especially your living room – the place where you often wind down and relax. Then, declutter and learn the powerful art of Minimalism. Get rid of anything and everything you don’t use or need. Give away or donate decorations and household items. An open and clean space creates a place of peace and tranquility. It’s also easier to relax when you are not surrounded by stuff such as laundry, work, electronics and even reading materials because your subconscious mind doesn’t feel like you have things to do.

4. Try laughing yoga. We all know that the power of laughter has a wonderful effect on our mood and is one of the best feel good things we can do. However, the opportunity to laugh like this doesn’t always come easily and often. A fun and crazy way to make yourself laugh uncontrollably is to find (google) a class, club or yoga studio in your area that offers laughing yoga. You may have to step out of your comfort zone but you will be in for a wonderful and hilarious surprise.

5. Procrastinate. Make a list of things to do and then don’t do it. Call it your procrastination list. Then make the decision to engage in something you really feel like doing. If and when you become inspired to do something on your procrastination list then go for it. Maybe you really don’t have to do those things on your procrastination list or perhaps someone else may want to do those things for you. I believe that if you’re not accepting, enjoying or enthusiastic about what you’re doing then you shouldn’t do it. By procrastinating you often let go of resistance and become more relaxed.

6. Be brutally honest. Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself because you wanted to say something to someone but didn’t in fear of what might happen, what that person might think or how you might make them feel. Instead of bottling things up inside you, which causes stress and tensions, why not let it go through the power of honest speech. Express your emotions and tell people how you really feel without being rude or obnoxious. Be loud and bold. Notice how relieved you feel.

7. Dance in the rain. How often do you see people getting upset and running for cover when it starts to pour? Next time it rains, have a little fun, get wet and do a little dance. Engage all your senses and enjoy the moment. Even sing if you want to. You will be surprised how refreshing and rejuvenating it is. For those of you who live in colder climates, try dancing in the snow or making snow angels.

8. Enjoy a staycation. Instead of traveling somewhere on a holiday, stay at home and enjoy a local vacation. To make it an adventure, get a map of some nearby hiking trails and plan some day hikes. If you’re in a colder climate consider cross-country skiing or snow-shoeing. Try a new activity such as outdoor photography. Visit some local cafes that sounds interesting and that you’ve never been to before. If you need a break from your kids, recruit a friend or relative to baby-sit. Have fun and get to know your area.

As we get caught up in the moment of being busy sometimes we just need to step back, let go of what we are doing and pursue new little passions that dissolve tension and creates stress free, happy experiences. I sincerely hope you give one or some of these a try and remember to have fun, be in the present moment and watch your anxieties melt away.

Guest post courtesy of Zen Habits, a wonderful blog that I read almost everyday.

As we all know, the “baby-dance” can take us on a very difficult emotional roller-coaster. Talking with family and friends certainly helps, but there is nothing like connecting with someone who truly understands what you are going through. Someone who has been trained with the knowledge – as well as deep personal experience – in the ins and outs of infertility. Not only does it make you feel better, but it is another way to tap into your innate healing ability and mind+body connection.

We are proud to have partnered with Lisa Marsh, from Your Great Life to offer one-on-one counseling sessions to get your questions answered, explore emotions that you may be experiencing, or to simply talk about your history.  A complimentary 30 minute session is included when you purchase our new Complete Fertility Package.

Lisa Marsh specializes in coaching women and men, with ultimate discretion and flexibility, through the challenges associated with fertility and family-building.

Her clients are:
• Women unable to conceive without medical or therapeutic assistance,
• Men who discover the have no sperm count,
• Women and/or couples who have suffered pregnancy loss,
• Women who have lost their fertility through menopause or cancer treatment,
• The single person or same-sex couple, who cannot parent without 3rd-party participation, and many other scenarios.

Lisa gives attention to the whole person. Every facet of your life may be affected by infertility, including your self-esteem, your relationships with spouse/partner, family and friends, your work commitments and financial security. The stress that results comes around full circle to impact as an obstacle to conception. Those obstacles can be internal or external. Internal pressure comes from thoughts, attitudes and feelings, causing you to act or fail to act, such as:
• Shutting down or isolating yourself,
• Fearing to join or feeling left out of conversations or get-togethers with friends that revolve around pregnancy and babies,
• As an infertile man, confusing fertility with masculinity and virility,
• Feeling guilt, fear or jealousy regarding the need for an egg or sperm donor.
• Being fearful of trying to conceive again.
• Feeling too anxious to make necessary decisions about treatment.

Through coaching with Lisa, you can overcome these self-imposed obstacles by learning how to regain clarity and control, build your resilience and commit to a program of mindful self-care.

Lisa can also work with you on the external pressures, such as a small window of opportunity to conceive, the expectations of others, insensitive remarks, your medical treatment and funding treatment. Fertility coaching with Lisa can help alleviate your emotional response to those pressures. You can learn to recognize what, or who, drains your confidence, make decisions based upon your own values rather than someone else’s and where to look for unbiased support.

Lisa’s work as a fertility coach is informed by her own 7-year experience of recurrent miscarriage, secondary infertility, IVF and parenting her two children. She is the coordinator of the North London Miscarriage Support Group on behalf of the Miscarriage Association, a registered charity in England and Wales. Through Your Great Life, Lisa offers not only 1-to-1 sessions by phone and in person, but also group workshops, fertility-related events, support tips and relevant links on Twitter, and fertility-related products that support her coaching.

Right after my second miscarriage, we attended the wedding celebration of a very dear friend who was already about four – five months pregnant. She had on this stunning cream colored dress and her baby bump showed just enough that she looked curvy and round in a beautiful, almost primitive way, like one of those ancient fertility statues showing a swollen figure representing birth and new life. She moved through the crowd effortlessly and her smile never left her face.

I was devastated.

My brain, being depressed and anxious about my situation, ran on its own. It bitched constantly. The negative self talk in my head went something like this:

I am sure that I am causing my own infertility. I can’t do anything right. My low self-confidence causes all of my problems, and being infertile is just another one. I hate how I deal with things. Look at all of those other women who are so secure in who they are, and of course they get pregnant with no problems. I don’t deserve my dreams coming true.

I believe fundamentally that life is a journey, and everything happens as it should. For me, self-discovery and finding peace happened while commuting on the New Jersey Transit, and I am grateful every day that for it. Once we moved to the suburbs, I found myself very begrudgingly commuting almost one hour each way either on a train or bus. At first, this time spent in quiet solitude was boring and almost difficult. I then started journaling, being completely honest and raw with my pen. Then I started reading constantly, becoming a voracious reader mainly of spiritual books, self-help and fertility books. Some kind of window opened in my brain and I could not learn enough about human nature, what I wanted to accomplish and the ideas and creativity started to pour out of me. It was during this time that I brainstormed the Circle + Bloom program.

Looking back, I am convinced that most of my stress came as a result of “sleeping” through life. Letting my mind-negativity rule my internal and external world. When that started to change – when I became more aware of my thoughts – I could simply let them go. I could acknowledge the fact that the thoughts were negative, and then explore where that thought was stemming from and hopefully find the truth of my being in the process.

The result? Internal peace. Living in the present moment. Being thankful for each and every minute, idea, and expression of my self. Living in a world where I choose positive thoughts, I choose to be grateful and creative, and I choose to love myself. When I do have negative thoughts, I treat it as a wonderful opportunity to learn something more about myself. It’s a true awakening and if I can do it, so can you.

By becoming more aware of your own thoughts, I believe that stress and anxiety from living with infertility can be controlled, managed, and understood from a different perspective. Being aware when you see another woman pregnant, paying attention to the thoughts are running through your mind – but (and this is very important) trying not to label them. Don’t berate yourself for having negative thoughts. Just accept them as is. The simple process of becoming aware of those thoughts, the greater consciousness within you gains greater control of your mind, your well-being, your levels of happiness. If stress is therefore reduced, your bodies become more balanced, which could result in improved fertility.

My new self-talk?

“Everything that I have I am grateful for. I feel abundance in my life and feelings of peace and security come as a result. What can I do right now that furthers my goals as a positive contributor to my life, my family and my community?”