When you’re trying to get pregnant it’s very easy to get stuck into a routine where everything is about conceiving and, as a result, your own needs get left behind. Trying to get pregnant can be an emotional rollercoaster and painful.

Here are a few recommendations to take a bit of time for you – you deserve it!

Take Your Hour

At least once every week take an hour that is utterly and completely yours. Whether that hour is spent in a bubble bath with candles or reading a book on the beach, the time is yours and it needs to be spent focusing on you. Take the time to unwind, let all of the pressures roll off of you and just relax.

In fact, that time doesn’t have to be limited to an hour at all. It can be two or three hours or even an entire afternoon. And if you can do it more than once a week, that’s even better. Just make sure you have at least one hour of time each and every week that is completely yours for yourself.

Embrace Your Hobbies

When some women focus on getting pregnant, they let everything else fall to the wayside. Hobbies that they once enjoyed don’t seem as important anymore. Don’t let this happen to you. If you’ve always loved book clubs, keep going. If you enjoy cooking, take a cooking class.

Go to Dinner with Friends

Sometimes our friends can be a wonderful resource for understanding and, if you ask them, they will likely understand that you need to get out once in a while for some good, healthy fun. Plan a group yoga class or a picnic in the park. Time spent with friends can rejuvenate your spirit at the times in which you need it most. Let them know the time out is for fun, not focused on why you are not pregnant.

Meditate

Getting your mind in touch with your body is one of the best things you can do while you are trying to conceive, and one of the most powerful ways to do this is through meditation. If you haven’t begun meditating yet, you may be surprised at just how effective this tool can be for reducing stress and creating a positive mindset.

When a couple is struggling with infertility, it can put quite a strain on your relationships, especially the relationship with your spouse or partner. It is very common. Everything suddenly seems to be about making a baby and your personal needs and emotional relationship seems to fall to the wayside. In fact, many couples who have had beautiful relationships in the past find themselves fighting and drifting apart on an emotional level and the physical relationship becomes structured and routine. If you want to be sure that you and your partner grow closer during this time rather than drifting apart, there are some things you can do to take the pressure off of conceiving and put the focus back where it belongs – on the well-being of you and your partner’s feelings about one another.

Date Night

If you think that “date night” is reserved solely for parents who need to get away from the insanity of growing children and jam-packed schedules, you’re wrong. Date night can make all the difference in your relationship when you are trying to conceive a child.

If you and your partner seem to be falling into a routine that is taking the spark out of your relationship, it’s time to go out and have some fun. Whether it be dinner and a movie or that concert that’s coming to town, spend some special time reserved for the two of you – and make sure that it’s time that has nothing to do with getting pregnant. In fact, on date night, don’t even discuss the challenges you have been facing. The goal is to kick back and relax, working on your relationship with one another.

Make Sure Sex Doesn’t Become a Chore

While thermometers and ovulation kits are great for helping you conceive, they can take quite a bit of the romance out of the bedroom. If you and your partner only get together in the bedroom when the time is right for conception, sex will become a chore rather than the bonding experience it was meant to be. That’s not to say you shouldn’t pay attention to your body and your ovulation schedule, but don’t let it dictate what does and does not happen in your bedroom.

A Happy, Healthy Family

Remember, when you bring a baby into this world, you want it to come into a healthy home with a happy family. If you and your partner have suffered emotional setbacks or have distanced yourself through this journey, that won’t be possible. Remain focused on the closeness you share with each other and be sure to nurture that bond as you try to conceive. Your baby will thank you for it later.

For additional help be sure to check out the promotion www.yourfertilitydeals.com is having on Kristen Magnacca’s Love and Infertility Book and CD. Click here to learn more.

Denise is one of our guest bloggers who is reliving her TTC story in the hope of helping others. She is sharing her most intimate thoughts, emotions and physical and medical journey on having her baby. To date she has explained how she came to the decision to start to try to have a baby even though she was single, and 40. She has shared what it was like to visit her first fertility specialist and the physical pain of her myomectomy. Now she opens up about the pain of her BFN.

Denise’s Words

After being released from the hospital, I endured a painful recovery. As I popped pain pills, suffered from stomach pains that are unimaginable and walked with a gentle limp, I kept telling myself that it will all be worth it. The tests that I’d taken six weeks after my surgery revealed that my tubes were clear and my uterus was healthy. There was no scarring to prevent implantation. Six more weeks and I could try for the first time.

The day in December 2010 when AF arrived was an exciting day for me. I was actually happy to see AF. It’s funny, but for us women who are trying to conceive, AF is a blessing at some times and a curse at others. This time her visit was a blessing. I called my doctor’s office, excitement permeating my voice. My excitement was contagious because the nurse was excited right along with me. We scheduled my day 2 ultrasound. I knew this would be my time!! I knew that I would get pregnant on the first time. The statistics that said it didn’t happen didn’t apply to me.

I went in for my day 2 ultrasound and the nurse found 12 antral follicles. There were only 6 in June. I was given Clomid, to be taken days 3 to 7. Day 9, I gave myself a shot of Gonal F. Giving myself a shot was foreign to me and scary. But, I sucked it up because this would help me achieve my dream of conceiving little Jaydon. But, I felt like the biggest fool when I spilled half the shot. I was heartbroken. I knew that I’d ruined my chances of getting pregnant that cycle. The next day, the nurse assured me that I didn’t ruin my chances of having a child. Rather on December 30, 2010, my day 12 ultrasound showed that I’d responded quite well to the Clomid and Gonal F. I had two mature follicles and a possible. I gave myself the HCG trigger shot that night. I went in on December 31 and January 1 for easy, back to back IUIs.

Uggggh, the dreaded TWW began. But, I handled it very well for the first seven days. I wasn’t too nervous. I tried not to think about it too much. Then over dinner with a friend on day 7dpiui, I felt my first bout of nausea. Could it possibly be? The nervousness hit me full force at this point. I just knew I was pregnant. I’d done it. I was pregnant. In my excitement at the thought of being pregnant, I became a basket case. I was on the internet every day, all day. I questioned everything that was going on with my body. Could I take a really hot shower or will that harm Jaydon? Could I eat Balsamic Vinigrette dressing/? How much tuna fish could I really eat? Would it be ok if I warmed up by roast beef sub in the microwave? Then about 10piui my breasts became sore and heavy. OMG!! I was pregnant. Wasn’t this a classic symptom of pregnancy? “Thank God,” I thought, “I’m pregnant.”

Imagine my disappointment and heartache when I received my BFN and AF 14dpiui. I cried and was depressed the entire day. I didn’t go into work. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to answer the phone. I couldn’t help it. How could my body fool me like that? BFN, AF be damned!! My dreams had been dashed.

What do I do now? There was nothing I could do but continue with the process. More to follow on how I got back on the horse. I would not give up on my dream of conceiving little Jaydon.

We all know the basics of how to get pregnant. The birds and the bees are something that is taught to us in our grade school years. The reality of getting pregnant, however, can be much more complicated than health class leads us to believe.

When it is explained to us in grade school it seems as though nothing could be simpler. A man and a woman fall in love, have intercourse and make a baby. Then we grow up and we actually decide to have a baby of our own. It is then that 1 out of 8 couples realize the reality of getting pregnant is often the furthest thing from what we had expected it to be.

I believe these unrealistic expectations that are set early in life just add to the pain when a couple struggles with fertility. Couples are not prepared for the issues they are facing because it is never talked about until there is an issue. And society does not have a clue what one goes through when struggling with infertility because they were never taught about the complications. This got me thinking and asking, should there be any education on how complicated the journey can be during the birds and the bees discussion, and if so who should be responsible for helping young people understand the full picture of trying to conceive? When and where is it appropriate to share the education about the real truth on how to get pregnant?

I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions!

Unless you have been through it, it is nearly impossible to understand the feelings of helpless frustration that unexplained infertility can cause. Each and every month it is the same thing over and over again. You hope and you pray that something will be different, but the pregnancy test always comes back negative.

You want an answer as to why this is happening, but sometimes the answers aren’t very forthcoming.

One of the must frustrating things about unexplained infertility is that no one can give you a concrete answer as to what is going wrong. Many of us would like to think that fertility is an exact science, and as such, we expect the doctors that we trust to have answers to the questions we are asking. “Why can’t I get pregnant? What do I need to do differently?”

When the doctors don’t have straight answers, we spiral into a roller coaster of emotions that are anything but productive.

If you are experiencing unexplained infertility, you are not alone. It has been estimated that anywhere between ten to twenty percent of couples experience this “non-diagnosis.”

When you struggle with unexplained infertility it is very easy to ask, “why me?”, “what am I doing wrong?”.  It also seems like people close to you think they have the answers, you get a million tips from friends and family to help you get pregnant.

And I am sure on top of that list is the “just relax…!” which sends you through the roof. But, unfortunately it probably hits a cord because you know stress is very high in your life right now and that it probably is not helpful in your journey to have a baby. But who can just “relax” when you are dealing with unexplained infertility?

We hear this so many times from people, and so we decided to help give you a response next time someone tells you to “Just stop stressing”….

…something like: “Actually Mom, you are right stress does have a negative impact on fertility and I am doing everything in my power to get it under control, but it is very difficult when you are dealing with a disease that impacts every single aspect of your life.  Thank you for trying to help, I love you for that, but the best thing you can do is help with my stress by doing my laundry for me, clean the toilets and do my grocery shopping.  That will help with the stress!”

As opposed to any verbal response just smile and vent at your next Resolve support group.

How are you coping with such tips or suggestions from those in your life?

A few weeks ago, we posted some daily intentions for fertility. Lately, I have taken to writing down my intentions for the day on a simple index card. Whether it relates to my work, my family, my spirituality, or my health, it enables me to distill my focus in one area that stays with me throughout the day. I put my intention on one side of the index card, and then on the other I put my “magic six” for the day – or essentially my to-do list that allows me to fulfill on my intention.

Dr. Rob Kiltz of CNY Fertility, also posts his intentions in a daily video blog, and it is so inspirational. We are proud to have a developing relationship with him and four of his offices in Upstate New York (more on that to come!)

So, we asked Melanie to create this downloadable PDF with the idea that you can clip them into little pieces and take them with you…little reminders and ways to center yourself again.

We hope you like it – and again, please let us know what other intentions that you would add here!

Having a list of intentions – or some people like to call affirmations – can be life changing. Here are mine. I would love to hear yours.

We would LOVE for this to be a “wiki” list of intentions. Please add your own in the comments section.

This post dedicated to my closest friends who are going through the process of adoption that I admire and love so greatly.

There was a bag packed full of brand new baby boy clothes and tiny diapers. A breast pump. An infant car seat.

Our closest friends were within a few days of adoption. The birth mother had selected them and plans were set. A c-section was scheduled and they flew down to be there for the birth. Given the strength of the relationship that had built over the previous months, the birth mother asked my friend to be part of the birthing process. She was. She was the first to hold the baby. There were tears of happiness given the beauty and health of this baby boy. When they couldn’t stay at the hospital any longer, they went to buy presents for the birth mom and her family.

And then…the birth mother decided to keep the baby.

The rational way to look at this of course is the fact that the birth mom has made a decision that she feels comfortable with. That she has decided to raise this child.

But plans were made. The baby was named. There was to be a baptism with two of his cousins. My friend was even going to breast feed.

I am in awe of the strength, love and hope of my friends who are going through this. And this is the second time this has happened to them.  Yes, it was one of the most painful things they have ever experienced.  Period.  But they are not bitter.  They are not vengeful. Nope. They simply remain hopeful. Ready to start the process all over again.

I personally don’t know if I could do this. To go through that again. To put yourself out there again. But I know they will. They will persevere and continue, touching countless lives in a positive way as they do. I guarantee that this birth mom will never forget this couple who demonstrated the highest qualities of virtue, generosity and love.

Life unfolds in mysterious ways.  Events like this remind me to surrender and remember that everything happens in its own time.

And for the next time there will be a bag packed of baby clothes with tiny diapers. A breast pump. An infant car seat.  And boundless love.

I remember getting very upset when folks would try to give me advice while I was trying to conceive.  One person even told me after I had miscarried that “I was lucky to have one healthy child…you should leave it at that.”  While you are going through the very difficult and painful process of trying to conceive, these suggestions, advice, questions can strike you the wrong way.  I know it full well.

However, looking back, each and every person that offered me their advice was really only trying to help.  As women, I believe we all possess a strong urge to want to help our friends and family members, so we reach out and tell them what is on our mind in an effort to pass along information, ideas or suggestions.

And we have a decision to make with respect to our reaction to these suggestions.

As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Replace the word “inferior” with any word and the meaning still stands.  Consent is the operative word.  By allowing others to hurt us with their suggestions, we are giving them our consent to do so.  Why?  The only person that becomes hurt from the situation is you.

Make the decision to see the situation from a new perspective.  You might want to feel gratitude to them for taking the time to talk with you.  You might secretly forgive them for their ignorance of the situation and speaking like they know the ins and outs of what you are going through.  You might want to explain to them why their suggestions are not appropriate given your feelings or your situation and suggest ways for better communication going forward.

The result?  Less anxiety and greater empowerment. Remember that you are always in control.

I fundamentally believe we can all benefit from letting go of anger, whether repressed from childhood, or something we are dealing with now. Anger can be like walking through life with an anchor on your back, slowing you down and tiring you out, with the only person that is being affected is you.

I am not much of a person who harbors resentment or gets angry much if at all – so much so that I think I’ve been taken advantage of because of it. Most likely, I probably do get very angry, but I quickly repress it…in fear of confrontation or retribution. This is probably even worse for my mental health than the alternative.

So I did a little experiment. I turned my attention towards someone in my life that had hurt me. Never was I one to harbor much resentment against this person – much to the amazement of others – mainly because I was only a causality in the war she was raging against herself.

I decided to reanalyze the situation and how it might be impacting me now.

I took out a notebook and wrote down five questions:
1. I am angry that…
2. You hurt me when…
3. I felt scared when…
4. I am sorry that…
5. I forgive you because…

And for each question I wrote a few paragraphs. Being completely truthful and honest with myself (and her) I processed through 25 years of a difficult relationship. This was only a few days ago now. I also have read it aloud again to myself a few times. Processing…letting my mind hover over the emotions. It’s a process of letting go – forgiving those that have harmed you. Letting go of that weight pulling you down.

What did I find out? That yes, there was some resentment. There was also fear and shame and I could see ways in which it was impacting my attitude towards certain things in my life right now. Not worth it. I let go and told her that I forgave her. Did I feel some of the weight lifting? Yes. I even felt as if some of the current problems in my life seemed less important and that my capacity for changing my thoughts had increased. It was a very moving and powerful experience for me.

Is there someone in your life that upsets you? That can be like a lightening rod in your life? That maybe you blame certain things on? You might want to try this exercise. The beneficiary is not the person being forgiven, it’s the person forgiving.  It’s you.