When it comes to getting pregnant, it seems that everyone in your life wants to have their say and provide you with their opinions (whether those opinions are wanted or not). Unfortunately, negative influences do not help you get pregnant. Disapproving looks from your mother-in-law and rude questions from co-workers can definitely take a toll on your mental well being. That is why it is so important to develop positive support groups while learning how to ignore those who give you negative thoughts and feelings as you try to become pregnant.

One customer told us that they had a hard time with negative influences. They could not have a single dinner with her own mother-in-law without her giving me a disapproving look and posing the question, “Are you sure it isn’t that you’re just infertile? I was pregnant one month after getting married.” Needless to say, every time she left one of these dinners she felt a little bit smaller and more of her self esteem and positive thinking went right down the drain. Then there was that one certain co-worker who, oddly enough, seemed to know her own menstrual cycle almost better than she did and would ask me in an overly-nice tone that was meant to be anything but, “Another negative test this month?” She said she always wondered how it became her business that she was trying to conceive and it was also odd that she paid such close attention to her personal life.

How can you help “move out the bad influences”. Find a support group with other people going through what you are going through. Click here for a list of non-profit organizations that can help you do this. The support groups will be safe harbors in a sea that is filled with negative thoughts, doubts and frustration. They will remind you that getting pregnant is not the same for everyone, and that while you may not be like your “perfect” mother-in-law, you will find the path to parenthood that is meant for you.

If you are on the journey to conception, understand that you can’t completely avoid negative people or cruel comments, but you can choose to ignore them. Understand that the words that come from these people’s mouths have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own insecurities and issues.

Remember, the world is filled with good and bad. Even well intentioned individuals can say mean and hurtful things without realizing it. Let your mind become a filter, allowing all of the positive thoughts and advice and support into your being and making sure all of the negative comments that would cause pressure and stress roll right off your back. It’ll make this journey much, much easier.

Let us know what methods you use to remove the bad influences in your TTC journey.

We are happy to share with you a guest blog post from one of our customers who has turned her pain into creating a Fertility Wellness Workshop in NYC this coming Saturday. So if you are live in the area then please be sure to check out the details. Read her story below, and find more information about the workshop at www.babystepstomotherhood.com

Jessica’s Story

After trying to have a baby on our own for 2 years with no luck, my husband and I went to see a specialist. I was shocked and saddened to learn that our best chance, really our only chance, of creating a family was to go straight to IVF because of our diagnosis, male factor infertility. It took me a couple of months to warm up to the idea, but once I was in the cycle, the stress of the “unknown” began to wane and I could imagine the possibility of motherhood. We were lucky and fortunate to become pregnant with our first IVF cycle. However, at 12+ weeks we lost our daughter, who we nicknamed Sprout. For the next 3 years we went through 4 more IVFs and one more pregnancy loss. At some point I began to retreat inward and feel as if the world was conspiring against me. Everyone of my friends from childhood were mothers, even those that didn’t want to have children ended up deciding and getting pregnant with ease. Friends I had made in online or in-person infertility support groups came and went and crossed over to motherhood. Here I stood with no answers, no baby, only lists of questions for the 8 doctors I ended up seeking out for their “professional” advice. The conclusion? We just had bad luck.

The last IVF transfer we did was August 2010. I would say that sometime in the Spring of 2010 I turned a corner. Not an abrupt corner, more like a slight arch. Things were changing inside of me and my perspective on life, my life, my marriage, friendships and dreams of how I would create a family began to shift. When the August cycle failed I was devastated, but I didn’t hit rock-bottom. I knew that darkness well, but the place I found myself in looked and felt different. I began to seek out alternative methods to help me navigate through the stress and disappointments of the many failed cycles. I practiced more yoga and found myself feeling more calm and centered. A friend told me about Circle + Bloom meditation CDs and we liked them so much that we told everyone in our infertility support group. My diet changed and I began to really pay attention to the food that gave me more energy and helped me lose the weight I had gained while cycling. Slowly but surely, like a young seedling about to break through the crust of the earth, I found myself feeling more human, more joyful, fulfilled and calm more so than I had in the previous 3-5 years. The anxiety and sadness was still there. The disappointment and frustration still had a place at the inner-table of counsel, but they all had less of a roll. Something else was fueling me, driving me and keeping me steady. I had reached out of my isolating shell and was delighted to see who and what was available to me.

Through this out-reach and discovery, I found a community of alternative practitioners that offered helpful tips, tools and information that have helped to guide and support me while on this journey to motherhood. I found a profound need for this kind of information and support in the infertility community and I am passionate and dedicated to providing and this information to as many women as possible. I came up with a Fertility Wellness Workshop idea to provide women with such information. I gathered some of NYCs best alternative practitioners that have thriving practices in the community. They are knowledgeable, compassionate and strong, empowered advocates for the well-being and health of those of us on this path. The practitioner specialties that will be presented at the event are: Acupuncture and Reproductive Health, Fertility Yoga, Reiki Healing, Mind/Body Meditation and Visualization and Fertility Nutrition. I felt that bringing together a group of practitioners at one time would provide the participants with enough information about each category of health and wellness that they would leave the workshop with helpful tips and tools that they can apply to their lives to help them better navigate through the stress of fertility treatments.

The event will be held at Om Yoga Factory in NYC on Saturday, June 18th from 9:45-3pm. We will have gift bags, nutritious snacks, an opportunity to connect with other like-minded women and each guest will have a chance to win free services, CDs from Circle + Bloom, jewelry and a signed copy of “Making Babies” by Jill Blakeway and Dr. Sami David.

I hope to not only offer support to other women facing infertility, but I also hope to be an inspiration for those on this journey. The path to motherhood is not how I had imagined, but the strength, resilience and life-long friendships I have found have proven to aid myself and others in weathering this storm. I assure you that this storm will pass, I can’t say when, but it will. We may not have the answers to why we are faced with this struggle, but I assure you, we are all in this together and no one should ever feel alone.

For more information on the event or my story, please visit my blog: www.babystepstomotherhood.com

We are pleased to be working with The Berkley Center for Reproductive Wellness – NYC on offering a complimentary mind-body seminar.

Join Joanne Verkuilen from Circle+Bloom in a special meditation and mind-body series to help you learn powerful visualization techniques for not only your fertility, but your overall health and well-being.

Learn stress reduction techniques that you can use on your own to help your body detox from excess cortisol and other harmful stress-related hormones. Free your body for fertility. Free your soul from stress. 45 minutes per session.

• Learn progressive body scanning techniques to relax all major muscles groups as well as to calm and center your heart, mind and spirit
• Quiet the mind to improve feelings of control
• Learn creative visualization and stress reduction techniques to awaken the beauty and peace within and to help you improve your fertility quotient

When
Every Second Thursday of Each Month
7:00pm to 7:45pm
Next Group Meets March 10th, 2011

Where
The Berkley Center for Reproductive Wellness – NYC
16 East 40th Street, 2nd Fl, New York, NY 10016
www.newyorkfertilityacupuncture.com

Registration Required
There is no charge for this event, but you must register as space is limited.
Please register via phone or email: 212.685.0985 / patientservices@berkleycenter.com

What a difference a year makes!

Last year, we were a new company and just simply attended the event.  This year, however, not only were we exhibitors, speakers, but Sue is also on the board and helped run the event. That’s progress!

The day started wonderfully with Melissa Ford delivering the keynote speech over breakfast and coffee, announcing that it was the “earliest conference in the history of the world.” She delivered a touching and very thoughtful speech. Recalling the fact that the last thing people want to hear is “just relax” (“the road to hell is paved with just relax”)…she recalled a touching example in her life when she was dealing with infertility, and how she was invited to speak at Politics and Prose, a well-respected book store in the DC area. Wanting to be fully prepared, she had notes of her speech, but due to a mishap, realized with 30 seconds to go on stage that she had nothing with her. The owner of the store said to her – with some tough love – it’s time to “just wing it” and go out there and deal with it. Relating this elegantly back to infertility, Melissa’s speech was moving, thought-provoking and of course humorous.

“Just wing it is the anti-just relax. “Just relax” dismisses the problem. It says: it’s not such a huge deal, just relax about it. It’s negating the problem: it’s not a medical issue; it’s just your stress getting the best of you. It’s belittling the problem: that infertility can be solved with a vacation or a good massage.

Where as “just wing it” acknowledges the problem and reminds the person that they need to find it somewhere within themselves to cope. The only way out of infertility is through infertility. You have to resolve it; you can’t live here indefinitely.” – Melissa Ford

I suppose good writers are like that – they can take relatively diverse experiences and see a new connection or a deeper meaning. Earlier on, she commented on the numerous miscarriages she endured and the fact that she didn’t feel a right to mourn from an early-stage miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy – but at the time feeling distinctly that she could not give herself the time or space to mourn the loss. What loss? You were never technically pregnant, or miscarriages happen all the time, right? She summarized that feeling so well – and how important it is to give yourself the time and space to be good to yourself first and foremost.

The rest of the day was jam-packed with some excellent seminars and workshops covering all aspects of infertility, egg donation and adoption. Exhibitors included the likes of Boston IVF, EMD Serono, Village Pharmacy, Prospective Families – among many many others.

In the late afternoon, I had the opportunity to lead an interactive mind-body session where we did a live progressive body scan and relaxation session with the intention of teaching this technique for stress reduction. We dimmed the lights, played some relaxing music, did some deep breathing exercises and together relaxed every part of our body. It was a wonderful way to end a long day.

We also appreciate the work that everyone put forth to create such a special event. From the leadership team to the volunteers, it was a spectacular showing that I’m sure provided education and that “one piece of advice” that could help these couples on their paths to parenthood.

“Infertility is where breast cancer was in the 1970s—completely in the closet.”- Lindsay Beck, Fertile Hope

Thank you Jennifer Wolff Perrine for this amazing article in the August issue of Self Magazine. It explores the fact that there are so many women having trouble conceiving, but nobody feels comfortable talking about it. As a company, we have really started to engage in this discussion with others in the field – those that think infertility should have a “pink” ribbon and that lack of awareness of the condition and the insensitivities from the media are truly debilitating to those suffering with the condition.

What can we do about this?!? What could be the catalyst that begins to move us all in the right direction? More women speaking publicly about it? More articles such as this? What are your thoughts? We would love to help this movement!

I took the liberty on summarizing a few key points from the article:

The majority of the 7.3 million women experiencing infertility will NOT talk to their friends and family:

One in eight American couples will experience infertility, and 1.1 million women will undergo treatment this year. That most won’t talk about it makes it that much more painful: A recent survey of infertility patients reveals that 61 percent hide the struggle to get pregnant from friends and family. More than half of the patients included in the survey, conducted by pharmaceutical giant Schering-Plough, reported that it was easier to tell people they didn’t intend to build a family rather than share their troubles.

Infertility is an extremely painful and emotional condition

Having difficulty getting pregnant can cause as much grief as losing a loved one, says Linda D. Applegarth, Ed.D., director of psychological services at the Perelman Cohen Center. “But it’s different. It is chronic and elusive,” she adds. “There’s a fear that life will be eternally empty. Some feel a sense of damage and brokenness; it goes to the heart of who they are.”

Feeling uncomfortable to talk about it keeps this epidemic silent

Women’s silence hurts more than themselves. It ensures that infertility remains an anonymous epidemic, with less funding and research than other common medical problems receive. Infertility activists, a beleaguered few, struggle to find allies…Because no one wants to discuss infertility, “nothing gets done about it,” says Lindsay Beck, founder of Fertile Hope, a program run by the Lance Armstrong Foundation in Austin, Texas, that supports cancer patients whose treatments threaten their fertility.

Stress reduction and working through your emotions does help

Domar shared with SELF preliminary results of new research she hopes will inspire more patients to seek help: In a small study of 97 Boston IVF patients younger than 40, women who had participated in 5 to 10 mind/body sessions were 160 percent more likely to get pregnant after a single IVF cycle. And more than two thirds of women with a clinical diagnosis of depression got pregnant after these sessions, whereas none of the depressed women in the control group conceived. The meetings teach relaxation techniques to ease anxiety and cognitive-behavioral strategies to fight depression. “These results can absolutely be replicated,” Domar says. “Isolating oneself during fertility treatment is not helpful to getting pregnant.”

This week will mark the first time that Circle + Bloom as a company is officially part of Resolve’s NIAW movement. We are so proud to be part of the Infertility community, seeking to bring awareness, empowerment and mind-body knowledge to you and the 80 million couples around the world struggling with this very physical and emotional challenge.

Resolve has provided a great list: Take Charge: 7 Things You Can Do in 7 Days. I’m especially intrigued with Melissa Ford’s wonderful contribution and idea regarding Project IF in a collaboration with Resolve. The concept is to get you to write about your biggest “what if” in regards to infertility. As Melissa states, “In other words, take out one of the “what ifs” that keep knocking around inside your heart, keeping you awake at night, and allow the larger community to commiserate, empathize and help you carry your burden by reading your words.” Here is the impressive list that as the time of this post had over 360 comments each containing a powerful and insightful “what if” statement. Here is a sampling:

What IF the hole in my heart never goes away?

What IF I never get past the bitterness and jealousy that have resulted from the years of infertility?

What IF I had wanted a family before I was 35, would I have gotten pregnant?

I invite you to join Melissa Ford’s and Resolve’s collaboration and write about your What IFs…for yourself and for others going through what you are as well.

Also, in honor of NIAW, a reminder that we are currently running a contest to giveaway two subscriptions to Conceive Magazine.

There are many ways to cope with infertility.  Our program is one way.  Joining a support group and connecting with woman who are experiencing similar emotional ups and downs is another proven way to minimize stress and uncertainty.  Friends and family can provide some support, but even the best of friends can’t truly understand what you are going through without having experienced it personally.  Luckily, we have a source we can turn to:  RESOLVE.

Founded in 1974 by nurses, RESOLVE is the only non-profit organization with a nationwide network mandated to promote reproductive health and to ensure equal access to all family building options for men and women experiencing infertility.

We are proud to have become professional members to further the mission of women helping women.  To find out more:  www.resolve.org.