How to Work Through Negative Thoughts While Visualizing

I thought I would share this very important question that came in from Emma a few days ago.

She writes:

“A little bit of background – my husband and I have been trying for 4 years this June both naturally and through IVF. We have had 3 miscarriages – one of which (natural pregnancy) was at 10 weeks.

I am willing to try anything and so bought your programs…

I am at day 8 of my cycle and the thing that is worrying me are the terribly negative thoughts that creep into my head while undertaking the visualization exercises.

I don’t want to sound crazy or creepy but when I try and imagine beautiful healthy ovaries for example images of black dead ovaries pops into my mind. I am scared that I am now making things worse. I stop the thought the second I have it and concentrate on the positive images but I am quite concerned.”

And I thought it might just be easy to share with you our verbatim response and how NOT to worry about these negative images that may pop up while you are using our programs.

Dear Emma:

Thank you so much for reaching out with this very important question! And my enormous condolences for what you have been through with three miscarriages..

Let me make a bet – that just by writing this email will already help these automatic thoughts that keep popping into your head. You have begun the process of acknowledging them – which is the first key step to letting them go…

And this is key – you are trying with all your might to downplay them, ignore them, sweep them under the carpet – but just like the movie the Poltergeist, they say “I’m baaaack!”

So the key is to allow them simply to be, but even more important – understand why you are having them. I would suggest that you respond either to me, or to write into a journal – whatever you prefer – stream of consciousness type writing and answer this question… “why is my body giving me this visualization?”

Also uber important here…don’t see these as “bad” or “negative.” This scenario could most definitely play out in your situation: through your stream of consciousness and automatic writing to answer this question, your intuition is strongly telling you something important about your body.

And in a flash of instinct and self-knowing, you come up with an answer. And then you ask your doctor, who confirms your suspicion and you can then tackle the issue head-on.

OR – this visualization leads you to a much deeper understanding about your body, its balance, and its self-healing power and you are able to change this dynamic through a more nurturing visualization and helps turn things around.

Let me share a quick story. My father died when I was 12 and one of the last images I have of him was when he was in the ICU all hooked up to a million machines. He was already brain dead, and my mother, who was freaking out, told me to talk to him as he could still hear me. As you can imagine, at 12 I was scared shitless and devastated by what I saw. This has haunted me for most of my life. But I have decided to change that memory. Simple as that. And in a state of meditation, I allowed myself to see that episode completely different – my father is laughing with a top hat on with Rayban sunglasses, and my mother is also laughing and dancing. Weird? Heck-ya, but it has literally changed my feeling about life from scary and sad to fun, nurturing and miraculous.

Remember, your thoughts may seem as if they are automatic, but you also influence them and can change them. Most important, learn from them, and try not to label them as bad. They are helping you! Life is meant to be abundant.

OK, so take action now by either responding to me, or if you are more comfortable, writing in your journal as to why you are having these visualizations.

So, why don’t YOU take action now as well and let us know in the comments section what weird or negative thoughts you may be having and how you can start to think of them differently!

With love + gratitude,

signatureweb

{ 15 comments… add one }

  • Andrea kinsey May 23, 2013, 7:51 pm

    Hi im Andrea a little bit of history I have been trying for 4 years myself
    With three rounds of ivf and trying naturally and have had no success
    I have just finished my third round and have said no more ivf.
    So as u can imagine my thoughts are going crazy
    Will I ever be a mum, my eggs are not good. I try telling myself that
    Things will be ok but then there is always that thought of what if.
    I have listened to your programs but I have a lot of trouble trying to relax
    As your thoughts are always with u …..sorry to put a damper on Things but its nice
    To let it out..

    Regards
    Andra

  • Adrianne May 23, 2013, 8:42 pm

    Hi Joanne,

    Thank you for sharing this post! It comes at a time when I truly needed to read it. We are gearing up for our first IUI with injectable medications and I’m terrified that it’s going to fail. We’ve done 3 others (1 natural, 1 Clomid & 1 Femara) and they’ve all failed. The stakes are much higher now since the investment is quite considerable not only financially but emotionally and time-wise as well. So, I’ve been having very negative thoughts like ‘it’s never going to work, we’re wasting our time and money again.’

    I bought your IVF/IUI program and listened to it for the first time two days ago and I must say that I LOVE IT! Today I am on CD13 and after only listening to your program twice I can already feel the difference in my ovulation today! Normally, I have a few mild cramping pains and they subside quickly but today they are considerably stronger. I have had them all day and so I know that I’m having a very powerful ovulation. The only other time that I’ve had this happen was when I was taking Clomid. So, I must say that I’m going to be one of your biggest supporters! Thank you for the work that you do!

    I’ll check in with you after our IUI and let you know if we were successful or not. Until then, I’ll be faithfully listening to your program twice a day. I think I’m even going to buy the Happy Mind + Healthy Body too!

  • Mercedes May 23, 2013, 8:50 pm

    I am so grateful for this posting! This topic has been one of my biggest struggles. I just started using Circle + Bloom for the first time and during the visualizations I can stay pretty positive, but it’s during the rest of the day that I have all these horrible thoughts/memories that come flooding in. I have a 3 year old and in our attempt to have baby #2 I’ve had 3 miscarriages for no known reason. I just turned 40 but my FSH, etc. is all excellent and my husband is fine too. We get pregnant easily and as we are TTC right now I find myself thinking that I’ll get a positive pregnancy test, but then that I’ll see blood in the toilet (sorry for TMI) or go through the same thing. Then I feel badly for thinking those thoughts because that’s NOT what I want to go through again, obviously. So, as I approach my day to take a pregnancy test this advice has really really helped me right now. Thank you!!

  • Joanne May 23, 2013, 9:30 pm

    Dear Andrea: Thank you so much for your comment – and do not think twice about “putting a damper on things!” This is SO vitally important to the entire process…and I promise that letting it out will absolutely help. You are doing excellent work in listening to our programs so keep up the great work and let me know if I can help answer any questions. Stay strong, Andrea! Things will get better.

  • Joanne May 23, 2013, 9:33 pm

    Dear Adrianne: You are absolutely right that the stakes are higher now that you are going through an IUI cycle. I hear you loud and clear on that! But think about it from the stand point also that you are doing everything you need to do right now to get pregnant. Period. You are really putting yourself out there and getting solid professional guidance and help – and of course taking time out every day to listen to our programs (thank you!).

    I am so happy that you can already feel a difference in your body – but it doesn’t surprise me! This is wonderful news, but it’s also the incredible power of our mind/body connection. I am thrilled to hear that you will be on our biggest supporters and DEFINITELY keep us up to date with how things go.

    We are sending positive thoughts to ya! 🙂

  • Joanne May 23, 2013, 9:36 pm

    Dear Mercedes! I am so happy to hear that this email came at a good time for you! Your thoughts are certainly to be expected so try not to beat yourself up… realize that they are actually rational reactions based upon your recent history, so it’s natural to have them… but at the same time, do not give them any more power. Think it, let it go. No debating or scrutinzing – allow yourself to have those thoughts, realize why you are having them, and then realize all of the other variations of how th efuture will go for you in a positive way.

    Please keep us posted Mercedes! We’d love to hear your outcome. And also email me as we are about to release a very in-depth pregnancy program that will have a week-by-week program set for the first trimester which may help you tremendously deal better with these fears.

    xoxo! Best, Joanne

  • Jennifer May 23, 2013, 10:55 pm

    Hi Joanne,

    Great post and comments – good to know that many carry the negativity that I do. I have a 5 1/2 yr old and ttc #2 for 3 years now with 2 miscarriages and 4 failed IUI’s and 2 failed IVFs. Ive been diagnosed w diminished ovarian reserve. I’ve tried everything – the positive thoughts (nothing is wrong w me), the negative thoughts (I will never be pregnant again) and now the “ill have an only child” thought because “that is what’s meant to be” thoughts – hoping one if these scenarios will work in changing my situation . I used your cd while naturally trying, then went the Artificial route, and now just get disappointed each month trying not to think about it. I haven’t gone back to your tape, but remember the positive visualization technique. I think the meditation is key and want so badly to get more positive about this subject. I’m turning 40 next month and feel doomed. I am so happy that I have my daughter but want a sibling so badly for her. I do journal, not regularly, but would love some advice. Do I focus on the positive “It WILL happen when it’s right” and Focus my energy on it and use your tapes? Or try the “stop focusing so hard on it and let it happen when it’s supposed to “? Wanting something to grasp onto ….thanks in advance.

  • Melinda May 23, 2013, 11:02 pm

    When I was going through my 3rd round of clomid with intercourse, I listened to your iui/ivf program (I felt this was the best program for me since I was receiving artificial hormones). It was very relaxing and put me a very positive place. I credit your program with helping me to conceive during this cycle. Unfortunately, it ended in a miscarriage. But I was excited that I able to get pregnant because it was highly unlikely to happen.
    After my miscarriage, we decided to attempt ivf (I was diagnosed with severe pcos and possible poor egg quality). My experience with same program has been very different. My outlook is not so positive and I find myseld less focused. I want to get back to the happy place I was in 2 months go, but I have found it increasingly difficult.
    I am in day 3 after my egg retrieval and the anxiety has been mounting up (waiting for day 5). But I have steadfastly listened to Joanne’s voice telling me recognize it and let it go. It is that thought thay has kept me from calling the lab checking on my embryos. I have started recognizing my fear, voicing it to my support group, and in return they help me to let it go and turn it over to the Highest of Knowledge. You have to remind yourself it is out of your hands and recognize that you have done your very best.
    I hope I didn’t come across to preachy, but I just startes typing not knowing what it was going to turn into.

  • Jeanette May 24, 2013, 6:58 am

    Hi Joanne,
    Thank you for this post. Negative thoughts are something I deal with regularly. I have had a total of 16 pregnancy losses. I used your FET program and I found it very relaxing and reassuring during what normally would be a very stressful time. We are still trying to find a treatment that will allow me to carry, and I struggle with thoughts that I am just setting myself up for another loss. And it haunts me to know that my body is attacking healthy, chromosomally normal embryos. I lose most of my pregnancies around 5-6 weeks due to immune issues. I will be having another FET in August with some more immune treatment and I am praying that I will finally have a successful pregnancy. But those first couple of weeks after a positive pregnancy test are so difficult. I question everything I am doing. I have tried your healthy pregnancy program (well the first part anyway) and I am excited to hear about a more detailed pregnancy program. I really need something more detailed during those first couple of weeks.
    Also thank you for your healing and recovery program.

    Thanks, Jeanette

    I don’t know how much demand you have for a immune related miscarriage program, But I would love if you made a program specifically to calm the immune system so it would be more accepting of the baby instead of attacking it.

  • Joanne May 24, 2013, 9:13 am

    Dear Jeanette: Words can’t even come close to what you are experiencing…I am so so very sorry to hear of your pregnancy losses. Your reaction to getting pregnant at this point -and the FEAR – is way beyond expected. I do think that our much more detailed pregnancy program will help, and good to hear that they are considering specific immune therapy for you.

    Also, one huge area of growing interest for me is how the nutrition plays such a huge role in things like autoimmune disorders. It might sound drastic, but there are some very impactful ways you can radically change your diet and some people have had incredible results in a whole range of health issues. We are trying to give this more attention through our blogs, etc. I would strong take a look at the documentary called Forks Over Knives. It has convinced me to completely change the way I eat for long-term health (I don’t want to get cancer in my 50s!). I am now “plantstrong” – getting 99% of my calories from vegetables, fruits and whole grains (quinoa, brown rice, yummy whole grain breads, etc.). My skin has cleared from some rosacea, I have lost a ton of weight, and I feel like I have the energy of a 9 year old. There are lots of case studies that when people use this new way of eating that it also helps autoimmune disorders. I do not eat dairy, meat, eggs, fish, etc. I know it sounds drastic, but it sounds like what you have gone through warrants trying everything possible to make a shift in your body. And if start now?!? Plenty of time for August!

    Keep us posted Jeanette – we are pulling for you!

    p.s. The documentary is on Netflix and Amazon Prime (both have free intro periods).

  • Joanne May 24, 2013, 9:15 am

    Dear Melina: You didn’t come across preachy at all! This was so helpful to hear – learning from each other’s experience is so vital to this process. And I love how you have joined a support group. We are thinking of doing something private through our website that would provide that level of service.

    And it’s completely normal what you are experiencing. This is such a trying time and anxiety is at its highest. As you say, turn it over to the Highest and all will be just as it should be. And breathe.

    With love+gratitude, Joanne 🙂

  • Joanne May 24, 2013, 9:24 am

    Dear Jennifer:

    That is a great question and one that I think warrants its own email / post! Let me rephrase:

    Do I focus on the positive “It WILL happen when it’s right” and Focus my energy on it and use your tapes? Or try the “stop focusing so hard on it and let it happen when it’s supposed to “?

    There is one thing that I hope comes through in our programs and that is “everything is happening just as it should.” Knowing that our bodies are not machines and that everything is in this kind of yin/yang balance.

    What’s helpful to me is thinking about trying to catch a butterfly. What happens when we try to grab the butterfly as its fluttering around? Try and try as we might, we usually grab at only thin air. It’s impossible. But, and with patience and a sense of welcoming love and gratitude, we simply stop, allow, and open the palm of our hand. And the butterfly lands just as it should.

    Not sure if this is helpful to you because it’s always hard to say to someone – “be patient.” And it’s also hard for me to tell you to either “focus on that it WILL happen” or “stop focusing and let it happen.” I do think that listening to our program will allow you to do both sides. Because you are listening each and every day, putting yourself into the drivers seat of your body, visualizing each event happening, you can then do something incredible for the rest of the day – LET IT GO and then simply, and with love and gratitude, open the palm of your hand.

    Does this help Jennifer?

  • Jeanette May 24, 2013, 3:26 pm

    Joanne,

    Thanks for responding. I believe diet can help in so many ways. I have made several drastic changes in diet over the years. I have been vegan (which helped normalize my cycles about 10 yrs ago), vegetarian, raw, etc. With my last FET I was not vegetarian but ate a very high amount of fruits and vegetables. I avoided anything processed, sugar, artificial sweeteners, refined flour, dairy, soy, commercial yeast, spicy foods, caffeine, alcohol, and only used olive and coconut oils for several months leading up to the FET. I have not gone gluten free yet. Every time I have been tested both by western and eastern medicine (several times) It has resulted in whole wheat being good for my body (I grind my own).
    I am not sure what diet approach I am going to take for my FET. Right now I am not following a specific diet, but I am naturally drawn to fruits and veggies so that still makes up the majority of my diet.

    Thanks for pulling for me. I hope to be able to report back with positive news from my FET in August.

    Aloha, Jeanette

  • Rebecca May 31, 2013, 1:26 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this post Joanne! I can easily identify with Emma’s stress. Today I received a negative pregnancy test result, and my waking temperature dropped, signaling the end of an unsuccessful cycle. My husband and I have been trying to conceive our first child for 2 1/2 years. We’ve attempted a natural, holistic approach, but I recently accepted a prescription of Clomid. I’ve completed two cycles of Clomid. My cycles are as regular as can be and my body is healthy, free from any known fertility prohibitor (“unexplained infertility”)…

    I become very anxious around ovulation time. Last cycle, I began using the Circle+Bloom introductory meditation. I love the beautiful, positive visualization of healthy reproductive organs and my body WORKING. It is too easy to focus on how my body is not working for me, or that telling myself that there must be something wrong with my body if I am not pregnant yet. Around ovulation time, as much as I sat there and attempted to relax my body, I fumed about the fact that my partner was not prioritizing the importance of sexual timing as much as I was. I KNOW this is shutting me down. As my mind goes in a tizzy, my hormones are focusing on soothing the mental stress. Sex is not carefree, fun, nor (re)productive under these circumstances. You are not alone Emma, and I take comfort in knowing that I am not either!

    After this morning’s news and the anticipation of a new cycle, I’m about to order the 28-day meditation program. My husband is the biggest fan of me meditating, and acknowledged (to my comfort) that this journey is a partner building experience, in the end, preparing us to become some really awesome and aware parents once God plants the seed! I look forward to the end of the road along with you Emma…it will come (as I so often have to remind myself)!

  • Joanne May 31, 2013, 1:30 pm

    Beautifully said Rebecca! Thank you so much for sharing and responding to Emma. I can’t thank you enough for this very courageous post. I hope that this “forum” provides a great resource for you and others going through the same journey. Wishing you the BEST and thank you so much for purchasing our Natural Cycle Program!

    Also, I love how you ended it – yes, this is absolutely building an enormous amount of strength, determination and patience that is so necessary when you become a parent. Love it! 🙂

    We are actually thinking of providing a more robust way to share and learn through our website. Stay tuned for that!

Leave a Comment