Personal Fertility Journey: Denise’s Blog

April 13, 2011

in Denise's Blog,Personal Experiences, Stories and Insights,Personal Journeys | Blogs

A Personal Fertility Journey

We are very excited to share with you the personal blogging journeys of women who are trying to conceive. These women are dedicating their time and energy to share their ups and downs, medical details and very personal reflections on their lives in an effort to spread TTC awareness and to get the dialogue moving in a positive way!

Please welcome Denise, a blogger who responded to one of our Tweets extremely quickly and has been so excited about blogging with us.

Denise’s Background


Denise Benjamin is a 40-year-old, professional, single woman who wants to realize her dream of having a baby. Married at 30 and divorced at 32, having a baby with her ex-husband was not an option. She never met “the right” guy. And eight years later, she found she had not had the baby she so desperately desired. Now, she is seeking to fulfill her dream. Society, doctors and statistics say she has waited too long. She intends to prove them wrong. Her journey has and continues to test her faith in God. However, she holds strongly to her belief that she will become a single mother by choice!!

She has created a private Facebook group named “Single Moms and Singles Trying To Conceive.” The purpose of the group is for single women to support and give advice to each other, as they walk the road to single motherhood. If you would like to join this group, please contact her at jaydonsmom@yahoo.com. She welcomes to the group any single woman who: (1) is a mother already or (2) is trying to conceive or adopt.

In Denise’s Words

I’m 40 years old. That’s right, 40. Or shall I say, the Big 4-0? What about Over Hill? Or Past My Prime? These little tidbits reveal society’s negative attitude toward women my age. I disagree wholeheartedly with this rather denigrating view of us women who have reached the fabulous age of 40. In fact, as a professional, single woman who works out, eats well and takes care of myself, I feel I look pretty good for my age. Strangers usually mistake me for a woman who is 30 to 35 years old. Unfortunately, when it comes to having a baby, biology, statistics and my doctors tend to side with society and predict the chances of my getting pregnant are quite slim. However, I intend to prove them all wrong. Come, walk with me through my journey, as I seek to defy the odds and conceive my first child at the age of 40.

My journey began in April 2010, when I visited my OB/GYN. As the nurse took my blood pressure, I exclaimed, “This is the third time I’ve been here in three months with the same issue. I’m So Over It. You guys have to do something!!!” Having heard my conversation with the nurse, the doctor examined me with a critical eye. Then, he uttered the words that began my journey to motherhood. ”How attached are you to your uterus,” he asked. Stunned, I stared at him in disbelief and resisted the urge to fire back, “How attached are you to your penis?”

The doctor went on to explain that my problems were being caused by fibroids (benign tumors of the uterus), which had grown back after having the buggers removed eight years ago. He wanted to remove my uterus, which would get rid of the fibroids and thus, the problem. “But, I haven’t had a baby yet,” I said, my voice rife with emotion. As the doctor glanced at my birth date on my chart, he asked what I’m waiting for because I’ll be forty the following month. In his estimation, if I wanted children, I needed to act now.

I left the doctor’s office in tears. My fibroids were back. They were causing problems with my body and possibly with getting pregnant—Period. Would I make a good mother? Could I do it alone? I’d just ended a relationship. Maybe I should try to make things work with him. Should I or shouldn’t I? Who’s going to be there to help me? How will I do this? Have I waited too long? Am I too old? Are my eggs still good? So, many questions.

I called my best friend in tears. We discussed my visit with the doctor. As I listened to her voice of reason and her suggestion that I pray, I calmed down. I prayed and consulted God. About a week later, the decision was made: I would have a baby. A year, a painful surgery and two Intrauterine Inseminations later, I’m not pregnant, but I haven’t given up. Nor will I. My quest to have a baby continues. Join me each week as my journey unfolds.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Kim April 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I too am 40 and I am excited to follow you on your journey. I love this blogging community and the outpour of love and support we receive from each other. I especially like to connect to those who the doctors love to quote 1-2% chance per cycle. I am here to prove them wrong, with you! xoxoxoxox

Denise April 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Wonderful Kim!! I too find that I love blogging and reading other people’s journeys. It gives me hope and encouragement. We have to be there to support each other because society, as a whole, doesn’t. Let’s prove them all wrong together, shall we? xoxoxoxox

Cynthia Wilson James April 16, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Denise, I am a testimony to the other side of your journey. I got married for the first time at age 40. I gave birth at age 42 to a healthy baby named Faith. I gave birth again at age 44 to another healthy baby named Jewel.

I’m a firm believer that there are different seasons in every person’s life. The key is never allowing another person’s season to determine where you should be in your season of life. I also blog and have a website to support first time moms over 35 and 40: http://www.inseasonmom.org I’m happy that Circle + Bloom selected you!

Denise April 17, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Hi Cynthia,

Thank you so much Cynthia for your words of encouragement. It gives me and other women over 40 hope to hear that you are were able to conceive not one, but two children over the age of 40. I will definitely checkout your website. And I hope to be joining the ranks of motherhood really soon!! I hope you continue to read about and eventually celebrate the success of my journey!! Thank you!! :-)

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