Single and Want A Baby? What Should One Do? – Personal Fertility Journey: Denise’s Blog

A Personal Fertility Journey

Denise continues to share her fertility journey with us.  She opens up about her struggle with how to handle the fact she wants a baby, but there is no man in her life, and the judging that can come with that desire.

In Her Words….

Once I decided to have a baby, it seemed as if the skies became bluer, the sun became a little brighter, and the grass was just a tad bit greener. My heart overflowed with joy. There was just one “little” problem: I was single. Considering the fact that in order to get pregnant, one needs a man’s sperm to meet a woman’s egg, I realized I was missing a big piece to the puzzle. Well, how in the world could I contemplate getting pregnant if I didn’t have a husband or even a boyfriend?

The baby daddy question occupied my thoughts. I tossed and turned at night. I pulled at my hair during the day. What in the world was I going to do? One day-in the midst of agonizing over this “little” wrinkle in my plan, a light bulb went off and in big, bold letters I saw the word “INSEMINATION” flash brightly in my mind’s eye!  I was so pleased with this epiphany. Plenty of women have done it. Why can’t I? Well, I absolutely can do it. I was so pumped after making this decision. The answer to my agonizing had presented itself.

Alas, my relief was short-lived, as a whole new set of issues presented themselves. Whose going to be the father? Should I ditch the idea of insemination altogether and ask my ex-boyfriend to take me back?  Is there anyone I know who will agree to this?  If I don’t know someone who will do this for me, will I really consider an anonymous donor–being injected with a total stranger’s sperm? If I chose an anonymous donor, will my child ever know his or her father? So many questions, so few answers.

I talked to two men I know that I thought would be suitable sperm donors (the ex-boyfriend and a co-worker). Without going into too much detail, let’s just say the whole fiasco morphed into a horrible soap opera! That being said, I had to seriously consider the idea of an anonymous donor. I discovered there were two types, open and completely anonymous. If I chose an open-donor, then the issue I had with my child never knowing his or her father would be deleted. I discovered how rigorously donors are tested for genetic and sexually-transmitted diseases, as well as the extensive medical history on not just the donor, but the donor’s children (if they have any), mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Additionally, there is extensive information on the donor’s education, profession, grades, likes and dislikes and personality tests. I dare say, most women know more about their sperm donor than a man they would date and subsequently marry!!! After discovering all this information, the decision to use an anonymous donor was much easier to accept.

I know many people reading this will not be supportive of my decision. But, I implore you to hold off on judging. I have found that most people who are negative regarding donor insemination don’t know much about it and have children of their own. My decision was the right one for me. My decision has brought me much relief. No more headaches or worry regarding this issue. Now, if I can just get pregnant!! It’s not going to be easy at my age and with my health issues. But, Jaydon will be conceived!

{ 96 comments… add one }

  • Sparkle March 8, 2014, 9:58 pm

    OMG, I’m in the same boat. I’ve always wanted to be a mother but find myself single and being in my 30s I’m getting doubtful that it’s never going to happen for me. I’very been searching for surrogates who is willing to have a baby for me. I alway’s get sad that motherhood hasn’t happen for me.

  • i want a boyfriend March 11, 2014, 7:09 am

    There is another part to the no contact policy that is just
    as important if you want to get him back. When you accept reality instead of avoiding it, you eliminate an enormous amount of tension and worry that is being felt by
    both you and your boyfriend. The truth is that it will
    make you more unattractive in the eyes of your
    ex boyfriend.

  • JJ July 22, 2014, 1:35 am

    I am 41 and want to have a child. I don’t want to do it alone, but I don’t have another option and time is running out. I’m wondering if there are coparenting/collaborative/communities out there. I may have found a donor. Then I’d like to raise my child with support. Make sense? Possible?

  • Tony September 14, 2014, 8:51 pm

    I’m 43 years old and have never had a child of my own. I’ve helped raise 4 nephews. I’ve helped raise a little girl in a non married relationship. I was married and divorced my ex wife was unable to have children we could have adopted but she decided to divorce me. I struggle to find a relationship now because it’s important to me to be with someone who wants to have a child and honestly a relationship isn’t even a requirement anymore. I want to fill that empty place in my heart and soul and feel the magic of seeing my child for the first time. I want to experience the whole experience from conception to birth and then all the diapers and feeding and the terrible twos and teaching my todler then pre k then kindergarten t ball then what ever I want to enjoy every day of it and be involved. That’s what I’m looking for

  • Joanne September 25, 2014, 6:51 pm

    Hi Tony,

    Thanks for getting in touch and sharing your story. We wanted to let you know that we are about to launch a new online Facebook support group that will provide an intimate and nourishing atmosphere for our infertility community. Please keep your eyes open for the group launch – reaching out and communicating with others who are also going through what you’re feeling could help immensely. We will be thinking of you and hope to to see you join the group.

    Best wishes!

  • lionel November 5, 2014, 10:37 am

    i want a kid to and im a guy.hw do guys go about this.in the sense just having a kid by mutual understanding with the mother no matter the method

  • Aleksandra April 3, 2015, 7:57 pm

    Hi there…I just turned 39 two weeks ago and I have given up on finding “Mr. Right”. I came across your article and I don’t know when you wrote it but was wondering how you were doing in the process?

  • PenniB May 6, 2015, 1:17 pm

    Hi, I can understand what you all are saying because I’m 30 never been pregnant and single. I want a baby and my mother is ready to be a grandmother but I’m not just going to have sex with a guy just to get a baby. To be honest I thought that I was the only person that felt this way and every time I meet a guy he doesn’t want kids. So I don’t know what to do :0(…..

  • Rosaa May 20, 2015, 12:13 pm

    I’m 20 years old, turning 21 soon.

    I’ve been in off and on relationships recently but for the past year I really want to have a baby. I think about it everyday and night. Only problem is I don’t have a boyfriend right now and I don’t believe I want one either. I wouldn’t mind being a single mother because I think that would work best for me. But then again for the child’s benefit the father would need to be around

  • Karl July 27, 2015, 2:11 am

    Hi, i am a 40 year old male and have just come from a clean divorce and i would love to have a baby. My Ex wife unfortunately couldn’t have children but now I’m on my own again after many years. I would be over the moon to hold a baby of my own!!! What do i do? ?

  • Ben G September 4, 2015, 5:49 am

    Hey, I just turned 23 and really want a child of my own to raise him/her myself. I’m an uncle of 6 awesome nephews and nieces and I feel like I’m ready to form my own family.

  • klimt September 7, 2015, 9:32 pm

    41 and childless. Love my twin niece and nephew to death. There is not a single child that does not like me and vice versa… Random people just come up to me and state what a wonderful mother I would be… I must be very motherly… My only advantage is that apparently I do not look my age… But unfortunately Women have an “expiration date”…
    I too want biological children but don’t want to do it alone and would like to do with a partner that would be a forever partner…

  • Jay September 10, 2015, 2:54 am

    Hey, I can relate totally to some degree. My lone child is eighteen now but I still find myself wanting to have another at age 38 and start over. Just seems right at times I guess. That feeling is a constant hit.

  • Steven Quintero September 13, 2015, 1:11 am

    well is a nice thought, I’m a 22 year old Colombian guy, I know I’m still young and I probably will have loads of time to have a baby, but this Idea came to me once, and I really want to have a baby, while I’m young I get to play more with my son/daughter, for me is a great idea, don’t take me wrong I just want to have a baby and I just want to choose the mother, I know is a weird thought but you can’t have a baby with anyone, there is a lot more going on in DNA process, let me know what you think.
    cristopher1626@gmail.com

  • kasy September 18, 2015, 5:40 pm

    I am now going to be 40 this year and my story is complicated I am married but husband has a mistress and abandoned me and then married her before divorcing me . Yep so now I am looking at going it alone. the Known donor regestry is where I am looking its free and has lots of info if you have any tips please let me know . I am writing a journal of my journey . Its hard to go it alone . It is not how we invisioned it but to get the prize sometimes you have to just go for it. kids are such a blessing and life has a way of working things out for the single mom. Here is hoping to have London in 2016

  • kasy September 18, 2015, 5:44 pm

    I just relised that I did not leave my email address its regencyrealtybroker@gmail.com I think its a great Plan B if you will to have a child with donation and I hope we all have our dream relised soon.

  • Mario October 4, 2015, 5:05 am

    Hello,
    I live in Blackpool, England and I am looking for a woman to have a baby with. I am 35 and not getting any younger. I come from a loving family and have a nice home and secure job. If this isn’t the right site I’m looking for any help would be greatly appreciated
    Thanks in advance
    Mario

    Mario29021980@hotmail.co.uk

  • Jason October 4, 2015, 6:30 pm

    I am a 34 year old male and based on what I have read I would be turned down as a sperm donor simply because I am under 6 feet tall. I am happily married but my wife does not want kids and I am ok with that as I want to be with her. I do however want a child even if it’s just to be a donor and be out of the picture. I am in very good health and educated with no history of family illness. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  • Suzie October 22, 2015, 11:53 pm

    Hi I am a 43 year old woman who found out my partner was cheating on me. Apparently he was cheating on me when I was pregnant with my daughter and before that too. I wanted another baby to give my daughter a sibling, but he was trying everything possible not to get me pregnant again.
    I would like to find a man who wishes to have a baby now too.
    Please email me at homingpigeon1@hotmail.com if you are a man who wishes to have a baby soon.

  • janvier sylvain October 23, 2015, 6:00 pm

    je serais ravie de vous faire un bébé malgré quw jai déja un enfant de 10 ans

  • Tarah November 3, 2015, 9:42 pm

    Hi there,

    My name is Tarah and I am a single mother to a wonderful almost 5 year old little girl. I have tried all the dating sites and things and have not found Mr. Right. To those men who would like to have another baby, I would love to speak to you about it. I am 33, preschool teacher, and love being a mom. tkorbely@gmail.com

  • Rob Noble November 14, 2015, 4:25 pm

    I am a 31 year old male who has not had the good fotune of finding my soul mate. I have wanted kids most of my life and now that I am in my 30s I am worrying that dream is slowly passing me by. I am at the point where I want kids even if I don’t find the right woman to be with. This is the first site I have been on about the this topic and I am glad I am not the only one struggling with this issue.

  • Annmarie Tingling December 2, 2015, 9:53 am

    Single and need a second child

  • Jemmet December 3, 2015, 8:56 pm

    Hi. Just stumbled across the website one night and thought that I was the only person dealing with this particular issue. I’m 37 and sadly this ovary clock is ticking away. I havent been in a relationship for quite sometime and where I am from the finding a mate option is slim to nothing… I have always wanted kids and as I watch any and everyone who doesnt necessarily even want kids become pregnant my eggs skip a beat.. looking for someone out there that can relate and would like to try and figure out a solution to “our dilemna”..

    ahvia.campbell@gmail.com

  • Ngiphiwe December 8, 2015, 6:11 am

    I am in the same boat, I have pcos a condition which makes it difficult to conceive, and to add to that i dont have a boyfriend (for 3 yrs now) , i am 32 yrs old, God knows i want a baby sooooo much. I am also thinking of Insermination or adoption….

  • dan December 12, 2015, 2:39 pm

    I love children and would love to help someone who is struggling with the same pain,my ex partner took my children out of my life and I’ve fought for them ever since,I want to be a father from the beggining all the way through,I want to be their for every mile stone,but most importantly I want to meet someone who feels the same because any child will start off with two loving parents,

  • gabby December 19, 2015, 9:27 pm

    Hi! Well I’m 38 years old and I want to have a baby. I’m a single women and tired of looking for the right man, so I decided to be a single mom, I just don’t know how to start or what to do. I need help.

  • Patrick Carson December 25, 2015, 7:53 pm

    All i want is a child. I wouldve had one this Christmas as of last month but my ex aborted my child three months in. But the issue is i am a guy and have no idea how to go about this. Its easy to get a sperm donor but how easy would it be to have someone carry your child? Is it even Possible? I dont want to adopt quite yet but i want at least one child that i made and comes from me. My heart is torn from what happened and i feel like my whole world fell apart.. What can i do to make this possible?

  • Robb B. December 28, 2015, 11:43 pm

    I am 38 and are in the same boat. I want to have a baby. However I am a guy. I would love to share the experience of sharing a child with someone. Let me know your thoughts on how to go about this. Send me an email rwb2crewallen@yahoo.com

  • Jaclyn December 30, 2015, 8:29 pm

    It’s nice to hear I’m not alone. I’m 34 and see my window closing very quickly on having a child. I want one so much. I thought I had found Mr. Right and that has fallen apart in the last few weeks. I know that being inseminated by a donor is an option, but I worry about raising a child without a father. Not that it can’t be done, but I know how important a father figure is. I know my dad would do everything he could to be a positive influence, but it isn’t the same. I just can’t decide what to do. I hate that ticking clock telling me I’ve waited too long to be happy.

  • Emma December 31, 2015, 6:15 pm

    I’m 36 and single, I would love to have a baby but haven’t found Mr Right but have been wondering…its Christmas and the time of year when I think to myself will I ever have children!

    Just a quick google search bought this website up and look already there are lots of comments wanting the same thing both men and women. So maybe instead of bothering with Tinder I look for a great father not someone to have a relationship with, just someone who wants to be a great father as much as I want to be a great mother. If you in the same boat it would be great for me to do some research, please email me at emma.parkessmith@gmail.com (no companies, weirdos, or people after money)

  • stacey January 1, 2016, 9:43 am

    Im a autistic male who is getting older and never got a chance to have a child ill love to have 1 i always wanted to be a father but i cant even get a girlfriend or even a friend to have a child with it looks like it i wont ever getto hve a baby :(

  • Billy January 3, 2016, 9:59 pm

    I am a single straight man in my thirties I really want to meet a woman that will have my baby and co parent if she wants if you are that woman get in touch with me.

  • Clare pollard January 4, 2016, 6:03 am

    I’m 41 always loved and worked with children , lots of nephews and nieces two of which I was fortunate enough to be present at there birth and have played a huge part in there lives but the need desire to have a child of my own never goes away, it hurts physically and emotionally. I would love to do it the regular way bit meeting a decent guy hasn’t worked out and have no clue how to go about getting sperm donor / insemination? ? Is there an age limit, time is running out I’m sure xx

  • mary January 5, 2016, 12:02 pm

    young lady 25 want a baby with a guy without a relationship , send me a email please and we can discuss it further.

    tmdembo89@gmail.com

  • Cynthia January 5, 2016, 8:46 pm

    I’m 18 ganna be 19 and I want a baby so bad but I’m single and I love kids I come from a big family an help to take care of my cousines, so I would so badly love to be a mom

  • William January 10, 2016, 6:37 am

    Hello everyone,
    I think it’s a great emotional struggle for all and no one answered fits for everyone.
    One suggestion to the woman who do want a child yet have not found the right guy, is to strongly consider sperm donors. Some will want to co parent, some won’t. I am willing to share and discuss further if you’d like.
    I can be reached at wt64@yahoo.com.
    Good luck to all of you,

  • Easia January 19, 2016, 9:15 pm

    I am a single mom and dad is no where to be found anyway. I’m only 22, so I’m not quite ready to do it now I want to wait a few years and get my school done and my career going, and if a man hasn’t entered my life that is worthy of having a child with me I’m going to invest into insemination. In the long run whether you get inseminated or have a boyfriend there is a chance they end up without a father. You can still create a wonderful life for that child I am for my son and if I decide to be inseminated I will for that baby as well.

  • Stephen Jarrell January 24, 2016, 5:32 pm

    I would want nothing more than to be the proud father of a newborn .I am a retired man, and very dependent…

  • Tashana January 26, 2016, 2:57 am

    I’m 22 years old and I want to have a baby but I don’t think I ever want to be in a relationship..

  • tara January 26, 2016, 9:31 am

    hi my name is tara please pray for me im 37year’s old and i want a baby so bad.i always find myself in the baby section in every store i go in.lord help me he knows im ready i really want to get pregnant before im 40years old i also been praying thay god send me a good godly man .thankyou

  • Guy February 4, 2016, 9:12 pm

    I am actually looking to find someone to get pregnant

  • Caroline February 5, 2016, 5:41 am

    hy am a single lady looking for baby donor.

    hit me up cwaithira33@gmail.com

  • David R February 7, 2016, 12:57 pm

    Ok this might sound a little crazy but i have really put some time and thought into this in a 10 year relationship now just hit 40 3 kids of my own 7,17,21 and want some more keeps me young…
    2 thing i love more then God women & children
    Came up with a number 9 more for now only thing would be here’s the catch i would love 2 make love 2 nine more women to plant seed well
    There it is out in the open…
    My name is David
    Professional all the way
    Part’s engineer 20 + years
    Photography 17 years
    Tinker bell all the time
    tennis,bike,rollerblading,hiking,piano and much much more… thanks for reading

  • Jay February 7, 2016, 1:08 pm

    I’m in the same boat. I’m turning 35 in two days with no prospects on the horizon. I’ve always wanted to be a mom but like you haven’t found Mr. Right. You have opened my eyes to all the things I need to consider and how I will be viewed by others. I have discussed it with family and a view friends and have their total support. I would love to know where you are in your journey.

  • Candice February 8, 2016, 6:31 am

    Hey Cynthia I read your post and I’m in the same boat, I have been yearning for a little one for a long time but being 18 turning 19 in a couple of months no matter how many times I put my view to someone (because of my age and being single) they degrade my thoughts with their own values. Yet I see men my age becoming sperm donors and society doesn’t point a finger. I desperately want a bub and can provide a stable home for one but I can’t find a way too full fill my dream.

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